If you bake your wife a muffin
by ThurinRanger
Summary: When Eomer gives Faramir a muffin recipe things go badly for Eowyn. But don't worry, what goes around comes around! Oneshot, full of muffins. Please review!


**Thanks again to my reviewers! **

**Disclaimer: Don't. Own. Anything. ;)**

**This is silly, just for fun. *knows muffins do not originate in Rohan* *doesn't care, in my AU they do***

"Eowyn! Breakfast!"

Faramir's voice reverberated around the spacious house as he set the table with little saucers. "Coming, coming." Eowyn yawned as she drowsily sunk into her chair.

"Now," Faramir was brimming over with excitement as he opened the oven. "when we were in Rohan, your brother gave me this recipe…"

Eowyn raised her eyebrows.

"….for muffins!" Faramir cried in ecstasy as he placed a plump blueberry muffin on his wife's plate. She took a bite.

"No thanks, I would prefer something else."

Faramir smiled and handed her a steaming strawberry muffin.

Eowyn nibbled at the edge, made a face, and pushed it away.

After a banana, cranberry, chocolate, and coconut muffin Faramir gave up.

"What do you have against muffins, dear?"

Eowyn shook her head.

"I don't know, I guess I'm not a muffin person. Don't you have anything else?"

"Nope. I just bought muffin ingredients."

So, Eowyn marched away without any breakfast.

Faramir wasn't going to give in that easily.

_I'll just go with something more exotic, _he thought as he raided the pantry for more interesting flavors.

"Darling! I'm home, and hungry for some lunch!"

"It's your lucky day Eowyn! I have been making muffins ever since you left." Faramir smiled as he placed a muffin before her.

"What flavor is this one?" She sighed as she gazed at it regretfully.

"Basil."

She took a bite, and grimaced.

"Squirrel."

She spat it out.

"Squid ink."

She started gagging.

"You can't say no to peanut butter and jelly!"

If looks could kill…..

Faramir would have been a goner had it not been for the sudden knock at the door.

"Faramir? Eowyn? Hello? Anybody there? Mmm, what's that smell?"

"That would be the muffins." Eowyn said through gritted teeth as she stormed to the door.

"Who is it?" Faramir called to her as he started to mix a new batch of dough.

"The King!?" Her voice hit a high note with surprise as she ushered him into the kitchen.

"Your highness!" Faramir gasped as he bowed. Aragorn chuckled at the sight of his friend in Eowyn's apron, covered in flour.

"Do you mind if I try one?" Aragorn eyed the muffins hungrily.

Faramir nodded.

"Mmm! Which kind is this?"

"Squirrel."

"Wow!"

"Typical Ranger." Eowyn growled under her breath as she sat down heavily in her chair.

"I need to tell Arwen about these things!" He cried, grabbing an armful of squirrel flavor muffins before dashing off to his mount outside.

"Oh! Fancy that, out of ingredients!" Faramir cried as he pillaged the cellar.

Eowyn sighed with relief.

"Better go and buy more! I'll be back soon!"

Eowyn was very, very hungry.

She hadn't had anything to eat all day long.

Suddenly, she noticed something: a little, shriveled up, burnt muffin was cast off in a corner.

It looked irresistible.

Eowyn glanced around to make sure nobody was watching, and then she took a bite.

"Faramir!" She called in excitement as he swept through the door with more flavors.

"Hmm?" He mumbled, glancing ruefully at the muffins cooling on the table.

"Remember that burnt muffin? Can you make more?"

Faramir groaned.

"Could you give me the recipe?"

"No. More. Muffins. Ever."

Eowyn was surprised.

"What do you mean? I thought you loved muffins?"

"I _did_ love muffins, but now I'm all muffined out."

"But, but, Faramir!"

He shook his head.

"Faramir! Breakfast!"

Faramir covered his head with his pillow.

_Not again. _

"Aww, come on." Eowyn cajoled as she leapt up the stairs and stuck a burnt muffin under his nose. "Eat it."

Faramir shook his head.

"Please?"

"NO. MORE. MUFFINS!" Faramir shrieked as she chased him down the stairs and into the kitchen. She had him cornered.

He looked around him and saw, to his horror, muffins everywhere!

A desperate scream rang through the land of Gondor.

"What was that do you think?" Arwen asked, as she handed Aragorn another squirrel muffin.

"I dunno, probably of no importance." Aragorn muttered, mouth full.

Arwen nodded in agreement as she popped a mini lemon-poppyseed muffin into her mouth.

**~Fin~**


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